The Flame of Resentment Blown Away

Realized this morning it's time to blow out the flame of resentment. Why, for 40 years I was a free spirit. Owning property, being a land owner never appealed to me. Too much work. Priorites for financial, physical and emotional resources were elsewhere. With marriage came responsibilities and ownership. This weekend "something" made me realize how much I resented the responsibility of ownership. The time, energy and organizational skills required to keep up a house in the city was more than I wanted. Then we bought lake property and we took on the responsibility of caring for relatives. Now I am REALLY uncomfortable. Didn't get it until today how much anger was bottled up. Time to blow out the flame of resentment.
Weird how this is so contradictory - I watched a PBS special on geneology...land ownership for former slaves meant freedom - for me this meant burden. Selfish? Ungrateful. Maybe. Just honest.





*** Photos found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/urbanmdcowboy/ ***

Journey from fear to freedom

Transfer fear and anxiety to hope and confidence

Visualize 2 sheets of white paper.
One sheet has folders that contain negative emotions such as fear and anxiety
The other sheet has folders full of hope and confidence.
Continue this visualization by imagining yourself transferring the negative folders to the other sheet with hope and confidence.
The burden lifts. The outlook brightens.

Moving On, Helping Others Fight Cancer

http://www.hopeloveandfaith.com/HopeLoveandFaith.html

Check this out! Susie's chocolate chip cookies in memory of Karen and Mom's Mock Cheese Cake with her story are included! Thanks to Lara and her passion to whip the cancer monster.

Winter Wonders

It's the coldest day in the history of mankind...or so it seems. I've been fantasizing about sunny sandy beaches for the last few days. We've been spoiled with above normal temperatures most of the winter, so the 40 below zero chill factors seem especially harsh. Without much hope, I've even checked for last minute flights to warm places far away. Good thing I have a GREAT imagination. Cheaper than the real thing:)

Good news! Dale and I together have lost a total of 80 pounds. Sure hope we don't find it. (I crack myself up:) Seriously, it's kind of weird. A whole new body image to adjust to. The response we've been getting with our new look has been very affirming, a real confidence booster. Of course, it's not all about improving our appearance and increased self-confidence. We are healthier. Cool huh?

Will winter wonders never cease?
I hope not!!

Beary Merry Christmas Season

Christmas Season

So it is the most wonderful time of the year.
A time to give and gather and get:)
The gathering part gets a little nutzo.
The beloved sappy Christmas movies have heart-felt family reunions that
blast against the harsh reality of many.
Oh, cynic!
The mind is a powerful thing.
Look beyond to the
magic and fantasy and faith- the spirit of Christmas.

Up and running

Look around.
many sounds...
sad, glad and inbetween.
Rise up
give up
look up.
Believe.
Point to the enemy.
say "no more"
Now you're free!

Journey....

Ok, so as you can see, I haven't gotten too far past the naval gazing faze.
Everything seems so sad and stuck and yucky right now.
The 10 Point Plan may just work!

10 point plan of action to overcome the cancer monster

1. confront the monster - say "No MORE"
2. have confidence / attitude
3. eat healthy 5 alive (5 servings of fruit and veggies/day)
4. exercise daily
5. meditate/pray daily
6. help others
7. keep update annual phyical / mamograms, colonoscopy
8. support cancer research
9. set healthy/fun goals
10. let go

Karen and me, Summer 2003.

Mom, 1995- what a woman!

I will overcome the cancer monster.
It brought too much darkness for too long.

It got 4 in my family -

NO MORE!

That's me, Daddy's girl
What a cute 5 year old!

Karen, Susie and me, Feb 2002
Karen was in the nursing home in last stages of cancer.
Susie got hit harder and faster but made the trip
from Loveland, Colorado to Webster, South Dakota
to see Karen for the last time.

Our last family Christmas, 1967
Karen Tietz Kwasniewski 6/19/1948 - 3/16/2004 (55 years)
Mom, Christine Tietz 1/16/1927 - 3/24/1996 (69 years)
Dad, Lenard Tietz 8/2/1914 - 11/2/1968 (53 years)
Susan Tietz Wild 9/19/1949 - 5/29/2002 (52 years)
Me, Marilyn Tietz Hesser 4/28/1955 - still kicking
Lenny Tietz 1/8/1960 - still the little bro

I'm back

What happens when you 'turn" 50?
Oprah did it with pizazz...
I crashed and burned.
Red hat society?
Please not yet, almost....
Gotta get beyond me...
any suggestions?

Hope for a new vision

Looking beyond fear to hope.
Believe that all things are possible?
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen - Hebrews 11:1
The old at heart are tired and cynical.
The spirited and energized are renewed with each breath.

Way Beyond Me

Courtesy of nasa.gov. way cool web site
to star gazing

From naval gazing to star gazing

From naval gazing

Dawn

Dawn came to visit in a dream last night.
Back from death to reassure me of forgiveness.

Enough introspection. Time to move on.

To places and people that expand our horizons